“And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’”
— Genesis 2:18 (NKJV)
Two in the same boat
When I think about the boat again — Linda and me — I see how easy it is to forget that we are rowing in the same direction, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
In the heat of misunderstanding, it can seem as though we are on opposite sides — one rowing left, the other right — but in truth, we share the same destination.
The challenge is not who is right, but how we stay together when the storm hits.
A helper suitable — not subordinate
God’s design for the woman is both tender and powerful.
The word helper in Genesis doesn’t mean assistant; it carries the same Hebrew root used for God Himself — “Ezer,” meaning one who comes alongside with strength.
So when God gave woman to man, He wasn’t giving him someone to serve him, but someone to strengthen him — to steady him where he falters, to balance him where he leans.
Linda has often been that balance for me.
She sees what I don’t see, feels what I don’t feel, and sometimes senses what I can’t yet hear.
At times that difference has caused tension — especially when I have mistaken her discernment for challenge.
But over time, I’ve begun to recognise that her voice is often the echo of God’s wisdom reaching me through another tone.
The movement of grace
When a wife listens for Christ in the storm, her voice can shift the atmosphere.
Her strength is not in overpowering, nor in silent endurance, but in the grace that anchors the relationship when emotion threatens to tip the balance.
Just as the husband’s calm steadies the boat, the wife’s grace keeps it from drifting.
It’s the same Spirit expressed through a different gift — compassion that corrects, empathy that steadies, faith that looks beyond the immediate wind and waves.
When Linda and I have found that rhythm — when I hold peace and she holds grace — something holy happens: we begin to move together again.
Completing, not competing
In the counselling room, I often see how easily couples slip from completion into competition.
The wife starts fighting to be heard, the husband fights to be respected, and both end up rowing against each other in the same small boat.
But the truth is simple: neither can reach the shore without the other’s strength.
One provides the rhythm, the other the direction — and both are sustained by the same breath of Christ.
It’s not sameness that keeps the marriage afloat; it’s unity in difference.
God didn’t make two captains, nor did He make a servant and a master.
He made companions — partners in grace — who, together, reveal His image more clearly than either could alone.
When both listen
When both husband and wife quiet their own voices long enough to hear Jesus’ breath, the storm begins to lose its dominance.
They start to hear the same rhythm, sense the same peace, and steer toward the same stillness.
Christ becomes the true centre — not him, not her, but Him in them.
And in that unity, leadership no longer feels heavy and submission no longer feels painful.
Both become worship — a shared act of trust in the One who calms every storm.
Teach husbands to lead through calm, and wives to steady through grace.
Help us both to listen for Your breath above our words,
that we may row together in the rhythm of Your peace.
Amen.
“Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
— Ephesians 5:33 (NKJV)
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