“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.”
Ephesians 5:25 (NKJV)
Ephesians 5:25 (NKJV)
The weight of the call
There was a time when the word headship unsettled me.
It carried the echoes of misuse and too many examples of authority twisted into control.
But over the years, especially through the storms in my own marriage, I have come to see that true headship has very little to do with power and everything to do with burden.
It is not a title. It is a cross.
It is the willingness to stand before God for the tone of the home, the wellbeing of the relationship, and the spiritual direction of the family. Not because I am better, but because I am called.
It carried the echoes of misuse and too many examples of authority twisted into control.
But over the years, especially through the storms in my own marriage, I have come to see that true headship has very little to do with power and everything to do with burden.
It is not a title. It is a cross.
It is the willingness to stand before God for the tone of the home, the wellbeing of the relationship, and the spiritual direction of the family. Not because I am better, but because I am called.
“Linda is my helper; I am not hers.”
When those words first came to me, they stopped me.
Not because they elevated me, but because they humbled me.
They corrected something that had drifted out of place.
God never said that man was the purpose of woman. He said she would be a partner for his calling.
If I make Linda my purpose, I make her responsible for my peace, and no human being can carry that.
But if I take up the calling God has placed on me, then she becomes what she was made to be, a helper suitable, not a substitute for the Holy Spirit.
Taking responsibility means standing before God on behalf of my home, not standing before Linda on behalf of my pride.
Not because they elevated me, but because they humbled me.
They corrected something that had drifted out of place.
God never said that man was the purpose of woman. He said she would be a partner for his calling.
If I make Linda my purpose, I make her responsible for my peace, and no human being can carry that.
But if I take up the calling God has placed on me, then she becomes what she was made to be, a helper suitable, not a substitute for the Holy Spirit.
Taking responsibility means standing before God on behalf of my home, not standing before Linda on behalf of my pride.
Leadership as service
Jesus never led by dominance.
He led by washing feet.
That is the pattern. The towel, not the throne.
True headship looks like the small, unseen things.
Checking the doors at night.
Praying over the house.
Creating space for conversation when I would rather retreat.
Apologising first, even when I believed I was right.
Every quiet act of service calms the storm a little more.
It reminds me that leadership is not control but custody.
I have been entrusted with something sacred that belongs to God.
He led by washing feet.
That is the pattern. The towel, not the throne.
True headship looks like the small, unseen things.
Checking the doors at night.
Praying over the house.
Creating space for conversation when I would rather retreat.
Apologising first, even when I believed I was right.
Every quiet act of service calms the storm a little more.
It reminds me that leadership is not control but custody.
I have been entrusted with something sacred that belongs to God.
Carrying, not commanding
Taking responsibility does not mean I carry everything. It means I carry my part.
Order where there is confusion.
Protection where there is vulnerability.
Faith where fear has taken root.
But I do not dictate, demand, or dominate.
The moment I try to control outcomes, I step out of headship and into interference again.
Christ shows us gentle strength.
Power under restraint.
Confidence anchored in humility.
That is the pattern every husband is invited to follow.
Order where there is confusion.
Protection where there is vulnerability.
Faith where fear has taken root.
But I do not dictate, demand, or dominate.
The moment I try to control outcomes, I step out of headship and into interference again.
Christ shows us gentle strength.
Power under restraint.
Confidence anchored in humility.
That is the pattern every husband is invited to follow.
When headship brings peace
When a man shoulders his responsibility in love, his wife feels safer to rest in hers.
Headship and help become a partnership of trust.
The home begins to breathe again. Not under tension, but under blessing.
I have seen this in my own marriage.
When I stopped trying to take charge and instead chose to walk in Christ, the atmosphere changed.
Linda did not need to agree with me for peace to return. She only needed to sense that I was listening to God before I spoke to her.
This is the heart of headship. Listening upward before speaking outward.
Headship and help become a partnership of trust.
The home begins to breathe again. Not under tension, but under blessing.
I have seen this in my own marriage.
When I stopped trying to take charge and instead chose to walk in Christ, the atmosphere changed.
Linda did not need to agree with me for peace to return. She only needed to sense that I was listening to God before I spoke to her.
This is the heart of headship. Listening upward before speaking outward.
The quiet authority of love
True authority does not shout.
It carries peace.
When Christ calmed the storm, He did not wrestle with the wind.
He simply spoke what was already true.
Peace, be still.
That same authority rests on the man who abides in Christ.
It is not earned by position. It is granted through surrender.
And when that peace fills a husband’s heart, it spreads.
To his wife.
His home.
His children.
And far beyond.
It carries peace.
When Christ calmed the storm, He did not wrestle with the wind.
He simply spoke what was already true.
Peace, be still.
That same authority rests on the man who abides in Christ.
It is not earned by position. It is granted through surrender.
And when that peace fills a husband’s heart, it spreads.
To his wife.
His home.
His children.
And far beyond.
Lord Jesus, teach me to lead as You lead.
Teach me humility and listening and love.
Help me carry responsibility without control.
Help me guide without dominating.
Help me serve without seeking recognition.
Let my leadership make room for peace.
Let my love reflect Yours.
Amen.
Teach me humility and listening and love.
Help me carry responsibility without control.
Help me guide without dominating.
Help me serve without seeking recognition.
Let my leadership make room for peace.
Let my love reflect Yours.
Amen.
“Whoever desires to become great among you shall be your servant.”
Mark 10:43 (NKJV)
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